Ooft. This week was a bit of a slow one. Next week I endeavour to put on some horror classics and old favourites, but I guess here are some movies and a book that you can avoid…
1) Friday the 13th
A group of college kids camp out at Crystal Lake, but their fun is unsurprisingly interrupted by a certain Mr Voorhees. Made in 2009, this Friday the 13th essentially cycled through the plots of previous movies in the franchise, only with characters so irritating that it was a relief to watch them get got. Most, if not all of the women reveal their breasts at some point, and I wish to never see this movie again.
In a sorority house, Emily Young thinks adopting an illegally smuggled sloth will help her get elected to sorority president, but the sloth is a wee bit bloodthirsty. This was a confused mess of a movie. It tried to be ‘so bad it’s good’, but that kind of thing can’t be manufactured – it’s a decision for the audience to make. It should have either been taken incredibly seriously or turned into an out-and-out comedy. I wanted it to be utterly bizarre, but instead it was boring. How can you make a movie about a murderous sloth boring?!
3) No One Will Save You
A young woman living alone has her quiet life turned upside down when her small town is invaded by aliens. This movie had virtually no dialogue, which I loved, and was visually stunning, but that’s about all I liked. Despite what some people have said to me in the past, I don’t enjoy shitting on movies. I want to love every single one I watch, otherwise why would I watch them? I especially hate giving bad reviews to movies that try something new, like this one, but I can never get past uninteresting characters. Heavy breathing and cool outfits aside, the main character in this movie just wasn’t much of anything, until the very end when you discover she’s a monster acting like a victim. All I want from a character is believable motivation. They can be flawed, they can be boring, they can be relatable, they can be bizarre, I don’t care, just give me something to invest in.
1) Chucky season 3, episode 3
I think it’s clear by now that Chucky can do no wrong in my eyes. This episode had two supremely gruesome deaths and I genuinely have no idea where this season is going (in a good way). Jennifer Tilly was an absolute scene-stealer, as per usual.
2) The Fall of the House of Usher, episodes 2 and 3
I was a bit trepidatious about this show last week, but it has definitely started to pick up in episode 2 and 3. There have been some shocking deaths, lots of character development and plenty of intrigue. There were some scenes that genuinely creeped me out too, and I am obsessed with Bruce Greenwood’s voice, who plays Roderick Usher.
Stag Hunt by Anthony McGowan
Matthew is invited to a stag do in the middle of nowhere for someone he barely knows and a bunch of their old schoolmates, but the awkwardness turns to horror as the group slowly reveals the torments of their schooldays. This is a revenge novel that uses rape, child abuse and suppressed sexuality to shock the reader. Every character is abhorrent, including the protagonist, who acts the victim. Also, all of the women characters are pathetic and either deemed sexually attractive or are just dismissed. This novel isn’t as smart or as nuanced as I believe the author thought it was, it’s just gross.