Welcome back to week two of Halloween Month! Last week was a very eclectic week of movie watching for me, and this week was no different…
Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990)
The week started off very strong with Gremlins 2. Gizmo is back and getting into scrapes as he finds himself in a ‘futuristic’ office skyscraper owned by business magnate, Daniel Clamp, a character who was very clearly inspired by the current fascist President of America. I’m sure I don’t need to explain that Gizmo can’t be in direct sunlight, eat after midnight or get wet, but if you have no idea what I’m talking about, for the love of god watch the first Gremlins film. This massive blip in your cultural knowledge must be rectified.
So of course, Gizmo ends up getting wet and havoc ensues in the office building as his back erupts with tiny little evil babies. This movie is truly wild – it’s a middle finger to the haters of the first film, all while parodying itself and continuously breaking the fourth wall, yet still manages to be fun, occasionally horrifying and thoroughly entertaining. 4/5.
I Spit on Your Grave (1978)
From Gremlins to gratuitous rape scenes…yep, this was a bit of a tonal shift. I Spit on Your Grave follows Jennifer as she drives out to a house in the middle of nowhere to devote herself to writing a novel. A group of local hillbillies then torture and rape her for what seems like three-quarters of the movie. Just as I was about to switch it off, Jennifer embarks on vengeful, murderous rampage.
I’m not sure how to feel about this movie. It didn’t seem to take delight in nor sexualise the depiction of rape as much as, say Gaspar Noe’s Irreversible did, and I appreciate the importance of showing sexual violence against women in fiction, but I don’t think I Spit on Your Grave had a big enough budget, talented enough cast nor strong enough script to have any sort of poignant insight on the topic. However, the revenge aspect of the movie was immensely satisfying, and Jennifer had a great final line that made me literally cheer, but perhaps that was just relief after sitting through such a disturbing first half. 2.5/5.
Sleepaway Camp (1983)
When she was a young child, Angela was in a boating accident that killed her whole family, so she was sent to live with her strange aunt. Years later she is sent to summer camp with her cousin. She struggles to fit in with her fellow campers – she’s traumatised, borderline mute and immediately bullied by the girls in her bunk. The summer gets even worse when there are a string of violent deaths on camp – are they horrendous accidents, or is there a murderer on the loose?
This movie was the highlight of my week. You may have seen clips of it online – it’s a bit of a cult favourite. It’s occasionally slow, but for the most part it’s a delightfully camp, entertaining slasher. Oh, and the ending is absolute madness. I cackled throughout. It’s also one of the most homoerotic movies I have ever seen – there are practically no scenes that don’t show men in teeny shorts and crop tops. Wonderful. 3.5/5
Him (2025)
From the best movie of the week to by far the worst. Cameron Cade is a rising American football star whose career almost ends after being randomly attacked and sustaining a brain injury, but then star quarterback Isaiah White offers to train him in his remote home with the chance of giving him a second stab at success. However, Isaiah’s teaching techniques are bizarre, violent and sinister.
Okay, this movie was so vapid it made me angry. It was like a music video – no substance whatsoever, no characters, no tension…no nothing. I can’t even be bothered to review it anymore. I’m just so disappointed, a film about a professional American sportsman should be unhinged, since their lives are crazy enough as it is, but it was a big old waste of time. Don’t bother with this one. 1.5/5
Prom Night (1980)
Four children are playing in an abandoned building and are teasing a little girl, who stumbles and falls out of a window and dies. Frightened, the four children swear to say nothing about the death and run away. Years later, the children, now teens, have put the incident behind them and are enjoying their high school senior prom. But what they don’t know is they are being stalked by a masked killer, determined to avenge the little girl’s death…
There wasn’t a whole lot to this movie in terms of plot and characterisation, but what it did have was banging disco tunes at the prom and a vast array of outfits and hairstyles that was very fun to mock. The violence was laughable – it seemed to be shot with an amateur handheld camera as it went out of focus or moved too fast for the audience to actually see what was going on, presumably due to lack of budget. Also the acting was quite bad, but I don’t know…I’m not sure whether it was because Him disappointed me so much or whether Prom Night was more fun than I’m giving it credit for, but I had a good time. I enjoyed the dancing and the high school drama and the melodramatic music. If you want something to watch with friends that you can chat over and still know what’s going on, this is perfect. 2/5
Anaconda (1997)
A film crew are sailing on the Amazon River to make a documentary about an indigenous tribe when they encounter a snake hunter searching for giant man-eating anacondas. The snake hunter manages to divert their boat towards the breeding ground of the snakes, and the crew have to contend with both the maniac hunter and the very hungry reptiles.
I’ve been wanting to rewatch this movie for ages – I first saw it as a child and I vividly remember a scene where the boat is filled with baby anacondas, but not a lot else. It was good fun, full of ropey CGI, subpar acting and an almost unfollowable plot (or maybe that was just the wine I was drinking). Jon Voight is the perfect villain, and his evil sneers were perfection – the camera lingered on them for so long that I’m pretty sure the director must have known how ridiculous the whole thing was. The movie was very 90s, with attractive, useless women characters wearing vests and no bras, horny, misogynistic and unlikable men characters, and a barrage of misinformation about anacondas. A mess of epic proportions, but one I enjoyed. 2.5/5
Still can’t quite get over the fact that I managed to watch six movies this week – see you for week three!
If you’re looking for a spooky little story for Halloween month, my novella, The Festivities of Morkwood, is available in paperback and ebook:
You probably haven’t heard of a village called Morkwood.
It’s unlikely you would have passed through it, let alone stopped to visit – Morkwood sits in the corner of nowhere, unassuming and quiet.
Until December, that is.
Each day in the lead up to Christmas, the villagers of Morkwood come together to open the doors of a giant advent calendar called the Advent House. Everyone is expected to participate in a tradition steeped in local legend.
But not every door of the Advent House is something to look forward to. Like most long-established rituals, this one is rooted in fear.
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